Saturday, April 5, 2008

Speaking of BFPs

I just found out today that one of my best friends in real life, M., got her BFP today on her second cycle of trying. Strangely, I'm doing better with this news than you might think. She's just a couple of months older than I am and has been married seven months.  Honestly, I don't know if M. believed she would ever meet someone, and when she did I was so happy for her. She told me two months ago that she was going to start trying and asked for any advice I had.  I suggested charting, given her age and her PCOS diagnosis.  She expected to have problems and figured the charts would give her a head start when she went to an RE after 6 months.  

M. called me last night to check in and told me she was 3 days late.  Because she's been charting she knew that she ovulated this past cycle and had a good shot at being pregnant. She told me she felt bad telling me because she knows how hard it's been on me and another friend of hers who is in the middle of an adoption nightmare.  I told her that lots of crappy things happen to good people, and it's nice to finally hear about something good happening to a good person like herself.  I commanded her to pee on something the next morning and call me with the results. 

Well, she called this morning and left a message while DH and I were at an adoption conference (which I'll write more about later).  She had peed on four tests by four different manufacturers (what can I say? M's an overachiever like me) and all four came up positive.  Her due date according to FF is December 9.  I have to admit that hearing the possible due date is the only part that made me tear up.  I thought, "Wow, M. will have a baby by next Christmas," and then I realized that there's a good chance DH and I will spend another Christmas childless.  That hurts.  I told DH that while M. was getting the two pink lines I'll likely never see, he and I were learning strategies for dealing with the little stealing, fire starting, attachment disordered child we'll end up adopting (again more about that when I write about the adoption conference).  

But other than that thought, which keeps returning to kick me periodically, I really am happy for M. Maybe it's because she's one of my dearest and well-loved friends who has been through some really rotten times in her life. Maybe it's because she was so concerned about my feelings in sharing her news and has been extremely supportive throughout my troubles.  Maybe it's because with her PCOS diagnosis she could have easily been dealing with infertility and dodged a bullet.  Maybe it's because I can't even begin to imagine myself in her shoes, pregnant on my second cycle, and so it's not as though her BFP could, in my twisted infertile mind, have been mine.  

I can even imagine myself at her baby shower.  How's that for coping?

4 comments:

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Oh, my, I had no idea that there were blogs like this---about infertility--in existence. I just stumbled across your blog and read a couple of your posts. You are very articulate. Your yearning, and longing, and pain, comes through in your words.

I cannot relate to your infertility, as I became pregnant quickly, but....I sympathize, because this is something you want so badly, and I hope and pray that it does happen for you!

Best of luck in your quest for a tiny bundle of joy~!

Lost in Space said...

Wow, that is alot to take and I am impressed at how happy and composed you are. I admire your strength and friendship. ((Hugs))

Lizzybo said...

It's easier to be happy for true friends who are sensitive to your situation. It's difficult to be happy for those that brag or complain about being pregnant.

I'm really happy for your friend and I can tell that you are sincerely happy. :)

Barb said...

Great coping on your part as well! :)