Monday, May 2, 2011

Possibilities

P's adoption worker called me this afternoon to "check in." Since we finalized over 6 months ago, I was surprised to hear from her. She gave me her cell phone number to call her back and said I could call until 9 o'clock tonight. Little warning bells started going off in my head. I called anyway. She's trying to find a home for an 8 month old legally free baby girl. She asked if we're interested. She didn't know if our reluctance to remain in the pool was due to wanting only one child or if it was about not wanting to deal with legal risk and all that it entails again. I told her that I'm shocked she doesn't have a line out the door for this little one.* I told her I'd talk to DH and call her back tomorrow. What I wanted to tell her was, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

DH has had serious reservations about adopting again. Sure enough, he immediately shot down the idea. He doesn't think he can physically handle two kids. He worries that we couldn't financially handle two kids. He loves taking care of P during the day and is afraid having a baby would take away from P. He's concerned that this little girl may have more special needs than we can deal with (there's prenatal drug exposure and mild developmental delays and the unknown). I totally understand all of his reasons. I know I need to respect his reasons even if I have more faith than he does in our abilities.

But, oh, this is breaking my heart. I didn't even realize how much I long for another child until this afternoon's phone call. Now, I'm sitting here imagining a sister for P, a daughter for us, knowing I'm just torturing myself because it's not going to happen. DH is unchangeable once he makes up his mind. Even so, I'm not going to call the social worker back to give our answer until tomorrow. A lot can happen in 16 hours. It's not likely, but keeping the possibility open even just until the morning makes me feel a bit better.

*Realistically, I think there's more to the situation than she can share with me now. There are many possibilities. Since we aren't at the point of a disclosure meeting, she can't tell me all. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around why there wouldn't be families fighting over this baby. A legally free 8 month old available for adoption is unheard of.

8 comments:

Barb said...

Hub is the exact same way and was the exact same way about having a biological child for a while (now he's a huge fan). He always says, "How did you KNOW?!? THANK you for wanting children!" I think boys just aren't programmed for it. They're only programmed to protect what they already have... usually.

Wendy said...

Wow, K...I can understand you wanting to say yes right away. I'm sorry your DH isn't on board or at least considering it at this point. Maybe you can talk to him more this evening before you call your caseworker. I can understand his fears/concerns, too, but I think I would have a hard time saying no, too.

Sorry this is so hard right now. Thinking of you.

Lost in Space said...

Sending hugs and hope that 16 hours brings a different outlook...

ChilverHall said...

I haven't posted a comment before although I've been reading your blog for over a year now. I just wanted to say that although your husband's point of view is valid and should definitely be discussed YOURS is equally valid too. Now you know that little girl is there that image of a daughter, of a sister, is never going to go away and the danger is that it festers inside you and turns into resentment at your husband for saying no. I think he needs to know just how much this would mean to you and to P - a sibling is one of the greatest things you could give him. I have 3 children and seeing them play together is just wonderful. As for development dealys, my eldest was tested for autism, the results came back borderline but now at 5 he's caught up on everything and is a bright, articulate child. Good luck and keep posting!

Claudia said...

oh, that must have been incredibly hard. Thinking of you!

Wanna Bee said...

oh they do pull at your heart! I'm sure there are many undisclosed concerns for the little girl. She will land in the perfect spot for her.

Shelby said...

I know the draw of a second and giving your son a sibling and I too have a DH who has reservations about adding another. I have no reservations whatsoever. Although our situations are different, they are the same in that its an illustration of being on different pages with your spouse. With the second it's not quite the crisis it was when I was pursuing my first, but it sucks just the same!

Ms. J said...

Just wanted to say thank you for what you wrote on my recent blog entry...it helped bring me peace, and a sense of empowerment.

Been thinking about your potential situation, too.