Sunday, May 15, 2011

I didn't call the next morning or the one after that. I waited until DH and I could have time to have a conversation about this possibility of a second child. Immediately being told "Absolutely not" isn't much of a conversation. When we finally did talk, I told DH that I really want to do this. That a sibling isn't taking away from P; it's a gift. That I would be thinking about this for a while because although his No would make my decision for me, it didn't change what I was feeling in my heart. The end result was the same. We're not going to adopt again. I can't force a situation on DH that he really doesn't want to be part of. I called P's adoption worker and left a message, explaining that we weren't able to move forward with the situation and shared some of DH's concerns. She wrote back a kind email thanking us for considering the situation and stating:

the fact that you are so focused on P's best interest is one of the many reasons I thought of you for the child I am currently working with. P is lucky to have both of you.

Of course, we all know that we're the ones who are lucky to have P in our lives, but it was a lovely reply. I'm doing better with the whole situation as time passes. I don't want to live my life as though it's lacking in some way because I have only one child. I know I'm beyond fortunate to have my one beautiful boy. I'm trying to focus on appreciating what I have.

8 comments:

Wendy said...

Karen, I'm sorry that your husband isn't on the same page as you are with adopting again. I love what you wrote, though, about focusing on appreciating what you have. I don't know if we'll ever adopt again - we're not sure if it will ever be something we can do financially...so I really get the appreciating what you have part. I try to really not take any moment for granted. I even keep a little journal that I started before Zoe was born, just so I can remember all of the little things that have happened as she's grown.

Thinking of you, though...I'm sure this has been very hard.

Barb said...

I think it's always harder when you feel like you the choice has been taken away from you by others or circumstances. If you talked it out and decided, I imagine it would feel better than one wanting the exact opposite of the other. I'm alawys way more reasonable with Hub when I feel I've had a say.

And yes, you are so very lucky. :) I want a sibling for E I think, but I'm not sure. And we'd definitely be adopting if we did.

Shelby said...

"I don't want to live my life as though it's lacking in some way because I have only one child. I know I'm beyond fortunate to have my one beautiful boy. I'm trying to focus on appreciating what I have."

Amen.

Story of my life right now. Here's to loving what we have and coming to peace with what we thought we might have and don't. I'm trying to reshape what my life was 'supposed' to be into what it is, so you are not alone!

Claudia said...

Oh, this all sounds so hard.

That really was a lovely email you got. Nice to have a small piece of affirmatino in the middle of a difficult set of events! I'd say all three of you are lucky to have each other :)

Fiddle1 said...

What a tough situation for you. I can relate on so many levels. I think it is admirable that you are doing your best to accept his decision. I do want to remark that wanting another does not mean that you are not happy with what you have. However, I do understand how having a beautiful, special son takes some of the sting away from having to say no to other possibilities. It's just tough. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel is the only advice I have. It is valid. And feeling it will help you move forward.

Lost in Space said...

I'm really sorry, Karen. I know all too well about a hubby set in his ways and no matter how much logic goes into it, our hearts want what our hearts want.

Of course you feel beyond fortunate to have P which is why you want everything you can for him, including a sibling.

Sending hugs.

Me said...

I think I need to take a lesson from you...

Anonymous said...

Hi Karen, do you have a different blog now or you just stopped blogging? I love your blog!