Saturday, April 30, 2011

IVF always works. Everyone who uses it is successful and has a baby.

So I'm a little late on the Bust a Myth post, but the theme of my life seems to be better late than never, so it's only fitting that I'm trying to pump this out less than two hours before National Infertility Awareness Week ends. The reason for my tardiness is that I've been going back and forth about which myth I felt called to bust. I thought perhaps the one about not being able to adopt a baby when doing foster-adopt. Or the just adopt one. Or the just relax one. But in the end, it's the IVF myth that has caused me the most heartache and so, for me, is the most deserving of being busted.

I started 4 IVF cycles. Two of them ended in transfer. Two of them ended in IUIs due to poor egg quantity and probably quality. None of them ended in pregnancy. I was ready to keep on going until I reached my health insurance provider's limit of 6 paid IVF cycles (I live in a state that mandates infertility coverage). I had a friend who was able to get 7 IVF cycles paid for by her insurer and got pregnant with her daughter on cycle #7. I bought into the myth. I figured if I just got in enough cycles, I would hit the jackpot like everyone else who did IVF. . .

And then I had my first, and then my second, failed cycle. . .

And my RE brought up the donor egg talk. . .

And I got booted from my RE's practice so as not to mess up their success rate, nicely booted, but booted just the same. . .

And my new RE told me that my chances of getting pregnant were less than 5% with IVF and way, way, way less than that without it. . .

And my health insurer decided that I'd be blowing their money if I tried IVF again with my own eggs so they said #4 would be my last. . .

And I finally realized that IVF doesn't always work. That the fail-safe sometimes fails. That there would be no biological child for me and Mr. OGE. I wish someone had told me! Although, if they had told me, and perhaps they actually did tell me, I would have always pictured myself on the positive side of the statistics. You can't go into an ordeal like IVF expecting to fail.

The revelation I've come to recently is that even though I didn't get pregnant, IVF didn't fail me completely. It gave me options. It gave me some sense of control. It gave me the opportunity to learn what an amazing and supportive group of friends and family I have. It helped me feel like I did everything I could possibly do to have a biological child, and in doing so it helped me to let go of that dream and move on to another---the dream of becoming a parent through adoption.

For more information about infertility, visit RESOLVE.

For more about National Infertility Awareness week, visit here.

4 comments:

Wendy said...

So well written, K. Thank you for sharing this. Hope everything is going well with you!

Barb said...

Fabulous post Karen! Thank you!

Me said...

I still to this day am angry at your RE for taking out your ovary while you were under without your permission. Given that I wonder "What if..." I can only imagine how you feel. Love and hugs my darlin.

Tiffany@FindingK said...

It's amazing how similar an experience I had with IVF. I lost my remaining ovary during a cycle as well. My girlfriend is now going thru it and it's difficult to be supportive bc the process it's hard. And, it delays the ultimate gift of motherhood, in some cases, indefinitely. But we all have to try. And, if anything,I've learned that the experience, tho murky, brought me to my beautiful adopted daughter.