Monday, July 20, 2009

Update: The Next Step

We talked with the little boy's case worker today and have scheduled a disclosure meeting as the next step in the process.  It will take place in three weeks. At the disclosure meeting, we'll get to look at all the records and get releases giving us permission to contact the pediatrician and other caretakers. They're not expecting the foster parent to be there due to the contentiousness of the situation.  After the disclosure meeting we'll have a couple of days to think about it and make our decision. 

The worker did go over the timeline of this child's situation and the numerous opportunities the little guy's foster mom has been given to adopt him.  She's turned down every chance but doesn't want him adopted by anyone else either. Apparently, the subsidy, or lack thereof, is the sticking point for her.   If she adopts him, she would lose the monthly foster care payment from the Department unless he's determined to have special needs, which at this point several evaluations state he doesn't have.  If he had special needs and would get a subsidy after adoption, then she would have finalized already. She says she can't afford to keep him without the extra money. On the one hand I feel bad for her because it must be hard to think about giving up the child you've been raising for four years due to money.  On the other hand, most people don't get paid to parent their own kids, and when you adopt that child becomes your own kid.  Plus, I have a couple of friends who have children with significant special needs and it seems wrong to want your child to fall into that category.  Finally, it's really not that much money per month and I think I'd sacrifice just about anything to keep him if I were in her situation.  It's sad all around.

The legal questions aren't entirely answered to our satisfaction at this point either, but we're going to keep looking into it before the disclosure meeting.  

Ultimately, everything is still up in the air for now. 

22 comments:

Christa said...

I was a former foster parent and I agree that the money you get isn't much at all. It shouldn't even be an issue and it sounds like she does not have this child's best interests at heart or she would have adopted him already. I hope everything works out for you.

Anonymous said...

It makes me a little sick that she wants the $ more than the kid. Sad.

Shelby said...

What a difficult situation and how sad that this boils down to money. While I understand what it is to be financially strapped, I'm sure that those of us who have worked so hard to bring a child into our lives would give up the money in a split second. It's about priorities here and it sounds like this little guy's foster mom is trying to block him from being with his forever family because she has set these priorities on something other than him. That is heartbreaking. Best of wishes on this.

Barb said...

Wow. So much luck and love. I understand a money situation like that, but in this case, she sounds a bit fishy to me. If you DO get him, even though he has some attachment, I say he might be better off all around. My sister had an attachment to her mother too even though she was deemed unfit and we got custody. It's only natural to love the only mother you know.

Claudia said...

oh wow! I just caught up on the last two posts, and - wow! What a crazy time - this little guy sounds great, although it's a really heartbreaking situation that he's in right now, from the sounds of it :(
Holding on tight and waiting for more updates!!

Thandi said...

oh no. I wonder if she really does love him. Love him with a deed deep love. From what I've r4ad, foster money isn't that much anyway. Let's hope and pray things are sorted out asap.

Wendy said...

I wanted to wish you all the best for the disclosure meeting. Three weeks must seem like such a long time to wait.

I also hope that you get some answers to your legal questions before that meeting.

Thinking of you!

Beautiful Mess said...

That poor little guy! I don't understand. I hope you guys can figure all of this out for him and for you.
*HUGS*

tickintime said...

I'm gonna refrain from commenting on the foster mom.

Wishing you lots of luck with the upcoming weeks. I know it seems like so far away but that gives you plenty of time to get your thoughts and questions in order.

Michelle said...

That sounds like a difficult situation. I have a friend who does foster care and the money is not that much to be holding out for that. That is sad. I hope things work out!

Faith said...

Here from ICLW. What an amazing story you have! I hope everything works out for the best.

Mama Bear said...

wow this seems hard all the way around, hope this little guy gets some permancy soon in his little life

Echloe said...

That is a sad story. You are right that people don't get paid to care for their children, and that the foster mom should consider that. I guess I can sort of understand if he really did have special needs and needed extra care. But seriously. How much extra money per month do you need to take care of a child?

ICLW

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

hi, I am visiting from ICLW...No. 50 to say hello and to check out your blog.

What a difficult situation and how sad she chose the money. We adopted our son best wishes on your journey to be a forever family.
My Little Drummer Boys

Fiddle1 said...

I just read your last 4 posts, and I'm struck by, well, everything! Loosing an ovary unexpectedly, to fearing ovarian cancer, to adopting from the foster care system. I really know of nothing braver than considering adoption from foster care. All of your thoughts and questions surrounding the 5-year old and his foster mother seem valid, and I hope that it becomes clear for you at the disclosure meeting. You didn't mention..is his foster mother single? I'm guessing she is. And forgive the ignorance of this question..will you meet the boy soon? What a whirlwind! It sounds as though you have thought, and continue to think, this out from every angle. I wish you the best of luck as you go forward with the process.

Mai said...

It is so awesome that you are adopting (or trying to) a foster child..I am so thankful for my adoptive parents..I couldn't have asked for anything better..It really is sad that she "can't" keep the child because of money..People who aren't in the system don't get paid to parent their special needs children..Ughh..You've gained a new reader!!

ICLW

~Jess said...

That sounds like a horribly difficult situation...on all sides: I hate how so many of the things in our lives come down to money.

Good luck with everything...it certainly doesn't sound easy.

ICLW #117

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I hope that the disclosure goes well and that you get the answers you seek. Sending prayers and good thoughts.

~ICLW

Grown in My Heart said...

Wow--I sincerely hope that everyting works out to lead to this adoption--it sounds like this little boy needs a forever home..no strings ($$) attached. Here from ICLW!

Lorza said...

wow- that is a lot of have to deal with. It sucks that it has to come downto money. Good luck.

girlykat said...

Sending you lots of luck with the adoption process. I'm sure its not easy at all. i hope your little chick makes its way home to you very soon.
~ICLW~

Lost in Space said...

Wow, Karen, I'm sorry I have missed all you are going through!

For your sake and his I really do hope he becomes yours. As wonderful as his foster mom may be, her priorities concern me which makes me question her motive. If he were to stay with her, the question will come up as he grows older and I can imagine that could be quite a blow to find out that she had many opportunities to adopt him and chose not to. Very sad.

I'm sorry things are complicated right now and I truly hope everything works out. Lots of good thoughts coming your way next week.