Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Not Ours

The little boy I wrote about in my last post was placed with a kinship placement. His sibling's adoptive parents decided to take him. DH and I know it's the best thing for the little guy to be with his sibling, but we're a little sad that he wasn't meant to be our child. DH is more upset than I am. Before our homestudy was complete, he thought I was going to give my heart away to every child presented to us. It turns out that I'm more cautious, while he starts imagining trips to Disneyland and camping and buying toy trains immediately after the first phone call. I guard my heart more closely.  I guess the cycle of hope and disappointment from our failed IVF cycles has made me more self-protective.  I gave a bit of my heart away to every one of our embryos and I never got those pieces back. I'm not giving away any more until I know for sure that we're bringing home a child. 

I appreciate all the encouraging words when I wrote about this latest potential placement.  I feel a little bit like "the boy who cried wolf" when I share situations that don't work out.  I considered waiting until we got a confirmed placement before sharing on here, but I think I would go crazy if I had to keep it all to myself.  If you're going to keep reading, you might be on this roller coaster with me for a while.  I really do appreciate the company.  



8 comments:

Me said...

I think sharing the roller coaster is very honest of you. And I'm honored to know these details of the path you're on.

tubaville said...

Adoption is so much like infertility isn't it?

Shelby said...

Although I am a terrible commenter nowadays, I do still read and very much want to share in this ride with you. So, please, continue! I can only begin to imagine how hard it is to anticipate a match, even with a guarded heart, and not to have that fulfilled. You need a place to process that. Wishing the best for you.

RB said...

I'm riding, and I'm hanging on rooting for you!

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm sorry he wasn't meant to be with you and your DH. That's rough. I hope he is happy in his home, though. I don't think you're crying wolf at all! It's whats going on in your life and we're all here to help you as best as we can. Don't stop!
*HUGS*

Claudia said...

I'm so sorry this didn't work out. Definitely no crying wolf, though. This is utterly real, and it must be so hard to keep yourself guarded, and to know when to let go. Keeep writing!!

Barb said...

You shouldn't feel like that about sharing. It makes you feel better and it helps all of us to read it too. It's always good to read how adoptions really work and to be able to provide support to someone who's given it so freely to you before.
xoxoxo

I really understand the not getting attached.

Lost in Space said...

Holding on for the ride and wanting to share in it all with you too.