The very good news is that he followed through and saw the counselor on Friday. He felt good about the appointment. He came home and told me that he was surprised to hear that he's not extremely messed up-that his fears and anxieties are normal. Uh. . .yeah. . .that's what I said when he started all of this. I guess he just needed to hear it from someone else. As it stands right now, I'm going to call on Monday to make an appointment with the same counselor. After the counselor sees me one on one, he's going to see us both together. I was worried at first that this guy wouldn't have much understanding of infertility. Then I found out that DH got his name from a friend who, along with his wife, dealt with IF for years. They both highly recommended him.
DH and I have agreed that we'll keep plugging along with the homestudy while this is going on. He said he really does want to be a dad, but he really doesn't want to be the kind of dad his father was to him. He wants to know how to keep that from happening. I don't think there's a chance of that happening because he is nowhere close to the person his father is. However, I think DH needs to figure that out for himself. Hopefully this process will help him do that.
9 comments:
I know that my husband feels the same way that your husband feels - he does not want to be the same kind of father that his father was. He grew up with a man that wasn't there for his family (in more ways than one.) I can understand why your husband is worried, but hopefully seeing hte counselor will help him work through his worries. Good luck to you, too - I hope your appointment with the counselor goes well, too.
Oh I'm so glad he went and it went well! I hope yours goes just as well! You're an amazing wife, you're so patient with him. I should take note of that.
HUGS!
-D
This is such great news. I'm so glad the counselor brought some perspective to your DH ... isn't it always wierd .. when I say it it means nothing, but when someone else says it ... it's wisdom!
I am so glad that he went and had a good experience. Going to counseling is kind of a scary vulnerable feeling. It sounds like yall are on the right track and things are looking up!
I am really glad things are better. Men deal with self doubt in such different ways than women,t hat sometimes things can seem or get much worse than need be.
The Man and I have been in counseling off and on for more than a year now. Sometimes I feel like it's a waste of money. At the same time we're still together and I don't think we would be without it. And our counselor isn't even that great. So I have high hopes for you and DH. Luck and luv.
I'm so glad to read this Karen. They really do just need to hear it from someone else sometimes. I don't know why, but they do.
I hope your session goes just as great and am glad you 2 are continuing to move forward with the homestudy while you work through everything.
Hugs!
Yay! Good for DH for really thinking about a good counselor!
My husband's parents divorced when he was younger, and his dad was never very attentive to him - always chose his hobby over my husband. That carved itself deeply into my DH's being and affects every step he takes as a dad.
Just knowing what he doesn't want to be is a major thing for your husband - I would encourage him that just having that knowledge will help him as he makes those little seemingly itty bitty decisions day by day that will contribute to the dad he will be. He may not know it now, but he's already won at least half the battle - and rest assured, it's the hard part!
Blessings to you guys!
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