Then I started TTC and my body turned on me. Ironically it looked healthy but it was actually messed up inside. So now I guess I've turned on my body. It's defective and isn't worthy of health. I know that's not a rational way to think about it, but I also know that's the way I feel deep down. In the past, I was able to work out and change my eating habits to get my body healthy. I know how to do it and I know I'm capable of doing it. But somehow it's not worth the effort now.
Intellectually, I know that I need to make it worth the effort, but I'm not sure how to deal with the emotional piece. I don't have any answers. I'm just hoping that writing about it will help me sort out the pieces.