Friday, December 28, 2007

How do you know?

After my RE's DE talk, I've been thinking more about adoption. I signed us up for an adoption information session in mid-January. I also have a consult for a second opinion with another RE in mid-January, so I'm not ready to amove to adoption quite yet. I'd like to give IVF another try with a different clinic. I just keep asking myself how long I'm going to keep going. We have two friends who did 7 IVFs. They both got pg on #7. DH is stuck on that number, but both women had different issues than I do. They were able to grow follies and make it to ER every time. Both had poor egg quality and PGD was the answer for them. I probably have crappy egg quality too, but I can't even make it to ER, never mind having enough eggs to do PGD.

If we did international adoption from Guatemala or Vietnam, we could have a baby, likely under a year old, in a year to 18 months. I just wish I had a crystal ball and could see whether IVF will work for us. I hate to waste the time and energy and then still have to wait through the adoption timeline. The thing is that the longer this goes on, the less I care about whether I have a biological child. I just want to be a mom. Of course, I still cry watching A Baby Story, thinking I'll never get to experience that. I guess I'm all mixed up. How do you know when it's time to move on?


Daisy said...

I guess you know when you have peace and there are no lingering "what ifs." After our 3rd IUI we had planned to start the adoption process. We had researched, chosen an agency, and had our hearts set on a Korean adoption. We told EVERYONE what we were doing. I started a journal for the baby, began making a quilt and planning the nursery, and we started taking our online adoption classes.

Then we got word that the program was changing and I was devastated. After about 8 months of mourning and deciding we went back to the RE thing. We got more testing and did the infamous IVF. Now we're almost back where we started but with embryos. Adoption, specifically Korean adoption, is still very much in our hearts and we talk about doing it and DH trying to get stationed there so it would be easier but we also still have it in our hearts to keep going with the embryos next year.

I know my situation is very different from yours, but I can relate in the fact that every FET costs money, money and time that takes away from adoption. I can't walk away from my icebabies. I don't know if I'm making any sense here, but what I'm trying to say is that you CAN have both dreams at the same time. You can try both. You can do as many IVFs as you can afford while exploring adoption. You can go back and forth. You should do whatever it is that feels right in your heart.

It's funny, I don't think about adoption as much now because it too, is a painful memory of all that we planned. I even decided that should we have a baby of our own, that unfinished quilt will remain as such until our Korean baby to comes home.

GL in whatever you choose

Yodasmistress said...

I think Journey to Junior is right that "you just know". Good luck figuring it out.

Karen said...

How ironic is it that the two programs I mentioned are now closed and have been for a while? THAT would have been shit luck.