Super Secret Special Ops

Frustrated with lots of bureaucratic runaround for the last 4 months, a couple of family members initiated a clandestine operation: Operation Death Certificate. It was successful, and really much easier than anticipated (and all completely legal).  J's death certificate showed up in L's worker's mailbox and is now in the judge's hands.  Now that the judge has proof that L's birthparents are both deceased, we're hoping for TPR news this week. 

Dry and Not in the Dark

The basement didn't flood!  Woohoo!  The sump pump hole stayed full of water but it didn't overflow.  My dad brought a generator by in the morning and he and DH got the pump going just in case it rained more, which it did.  The power came on around supper time. 

DH bought about 10 flashlights so I won't have to use a honking bulldozer flashlight if the power goes out in the future. 

Why didn't we buy a better pump?

I'm lying here in the dark. There's a raging wind outside. It sounds like a freight train rolling by our house nonstop.

The power went out about an hour ago. The only flashlight I could find was L's bulldozer one that honks when you push the wrong button.

The sump pump hole is full of water but the pump's not working because we didn't splurge on the pump with the battery back-up. I put everything in the finished basement up as high as I could but the new chairs and the new toy storage can't be put up.

The dog keeps barking every two minutes because the lack of light and the wind are freaking him out. Luckily L is sleeping through it all, but I'll be shocked if that continues.

Oh, and I'm alone because DH had to go into work to help other people because that's what cops do.

Please send "no flooding" vibes.

Oops!

I just started a new private blog.  I'm the only subscriber. It's basically an online journal about what our little guy is doing.  I don't want to forget any of these amazing moments.  Apparently I need a little more practice managing two blogs because the post that published here last night was meant for the other one. That's why it's gone today.  Oops!

R, L's biological mother, has been on my mind a lot lately. Sometimes I look at L and I feel such sadness for R, for her abusive childhood, for the choices she made as an adult, for how her life ended. R was not a bad person. She was just not capable of parenting for many reasons, especially given her relationship situation. I don't want to get into details, but trust me when I state that she was simply not capable.

I keep thinking about her in the hospital after giving birth to L. I have his hospital bassinet card, thanks to his awesome adoption worker. It has BF/F written on it. I'm interpreting that as meaning R was breastfeeding L and supplementing with formula. It touches me for some reason that she wanted to breastfeed him. She probably got the chance to try while she was in the hospital after her delivery. Did she think she would get to keep trying at home with L? Did she realize that she wouldn't get to leave the hospital with him? She must have had some idea because she was circumspect about her due date whenever L's brother's ongoing worker asked during monthly visits. R was getting prenatal care so she certainly knew when L was due. Did she buy a bassinet? Did she buy a going home outfit for him? Did she make plans, buy supplies, dream about having him home?

I'm sure she hoped the Department would give her a chance to parent L, even though her older son P, was already in care. However, L left the hospital with P's worker. Her signature is on his discharge papers. The home he went to was the foster home his brother had spent his first year in. I think about how L must have felt, being taken from the only mother he knew by a stranger and being handed to another stranger to be cared for. How confused he must have been. And I picture R leaving the hospital without her baby. I can only imagine how empty her arms must have felt.

I know the strangers were kind to him. I know the decision to remove L from R's care was the right one; he would not have been safe with R and J. I know that without these events happening L would not be our son.

But it's still all so very sad.

Paperwork, Photos, and Pack Rats

L's social worker, M, visited last week.  It's been a while and she was amazed by how much L has grown.  Now that he's coming up on 18 months, he looks so much more like a little boy than a baby.  Not to mention that he has started to walk!  He still has that just-got-off-the-horse-look when walking, but steps are steps. 

We love L's social worker.  She's very on top of things and has a gift for explaining a situation in a way that lets you know exactly where you stand.  The court is still waiting for L's biological father's death certificate from the Medical Examiner. They were told last week, by a reliable source, that it would be sent within the next two weeks.  Once the court receives the death certificate, it can issue a decree legally freeing the boys- L and his brother. When that's done, M will begin L's adoption paperwork.  We have our next meeting scheduled for the end of March.  At that point, she hopes to have the paperwork for us to sign and then she can submit it to the court for finalization dates.  The goal remains for us to finalize in June. L's brother's family hopes to finalize in March since he has already been with them for some time. 

I asked M about the possibility of getting photos of L from his first foster home where he lived until he was six months old.  The earliest photo I have of him is from when he was 11 months old. His second foster mothers weren't big picture takers. M was able to get us L's footprint and id bracelet from his hospital stay after his birth.  I know these are priceless treasures and we are so grateful to have them.  However, I would really like to have some early photos for his lifebook and for those rotten autobiography projects in elementary school. M is going to get me the address of the now-retired FM#1 so I can contact her.  FM#1 took care of L's brother for the first year of his life, until he was placed with his adoptive family, and I know she took lots of photos then.  L's brother's mom shared them with me last weekend when they visited.  I'm hoping FM#1 also took lots of pictures of L.  She has downsized and moved since taking care of L and my fear is that any photos might have been tossed.  I pray she's a pack rat.