Cousin: Congratulations! How is motherhood?
Me: It's amazing. I love it.
Cousin: Is it what you expected it to be?
Me: It's more than I expected. DH and I are so happy. L is just the coolest little guy ever.
Cousin: Well, you're lucky you didn't get him when he was at the baby-baby stage.
Me: (stunned silence)
Cousin: At least you didn't have to deal with the not sleeping and stuff.
Me: (still stunned) Oh, I was lucky?
Cousin: So how does he sleep?
Me: (answering her questions but asking myself did she just basically say I was lucky that I didn't have a newborn, didn't get pregnant, didn't get L when he was younger. WTF did she just say?)
I do know that I'm lucky, not for the reasons my cousin thinks. I can't imagine being a mother to any child but L. I LOVE him. He is an amazing, joy-filled little boy. I am lucky that he found his way into our home. But seriously, why would you tell someone who struggled with infertility that she's lucky she never had to deal with a newborn? That's just clueless. I wish I could have raised L from birth. I wish I had been the one comforting him when he was new to the world. I wish I'd been there for his first smile, his first giggle, his first taste of blueberries (his favorite), his first birthday. I would have gladly given up some sleep if it meant I could have had L in my life sooner. But that wasn't how it worked out and I accept that. We're so happy now. But seriously, how clueless can you be?*
Oh, and she had her first baby via IVF. Uh, huh.**
* I know her ignorant comment has more to do with her own struggles with motherhood than my situation, but still. . .
**But her second was an oops, so maybe that wiped out her sensitivity to those with infertility?