Now, here's the kicker: we're not going to change it. We are changing his middle name to DH's grandfather's name, but we're keeping his first name. We're even keeping the spelling.* We actually think it's pretty cool. Yup, we've grown to like it. It fits him. His name has connotations of rebirth, rising from the ashes.** It's unique and it seems like part of him now. So it stays.
When we were considering adopting from foster care, the name issue was one of those things that bothered me. I thought of all the time my pregnant friends have spent pouring over baby name books, looking up name meanings and trying different combinations. It hurt that I might not have the chance to do that. One more ritual among many that I wouldn't get to participate in---one last slap in the face by infertility. But you know what? It's OK. It really is. Because no matter what his name is, he's my son. And at this point that's all that matters to me. I know that's hokey, but it's true. I also think that it's different when you're considering a name in the abstract: Which do I prefer? Henry or Evan? Sofia or Ava? But when the name is attached to a person, your opinion of it can change drastically. There are several perfectly nice names that I can't stand because they remind me of particular students (really more the parents of those students). Our son has a name that I wasn't crazy about when I first heard it, but now because it's attached to him, I've come to love it.***
*My only regret is that people who first see his name will think DH and I can't spell or that were trying for a unique spelling on purpose. As a teacher, cute misspelled names are one of my pet peeves. We could change the spelling, but then people will think he was named after a city in which he was conceived and that's worse. Plus, I think the current spelling is more masculine.
**If you're trying to figure out what it is, that's a big clue. Think mythical. It doesn't begin with L. That's my pseudonym (pseudoletter?) for him.
***No offense to those who have changed their child's name. I completely understand. We've grown to love DS's name. I've seen some on the listings that I think would be hard for me to learn to love and that would be hard for a child to live with when he gets older. I'm hoping DS is happy with his name as he gets older.