It turns out that she knows the little guy very well because her kids go to daycare with him. His foster mother works at the daycare and has taken care of the pediatrician's kids. She talked up Foster Mom quite a bit to me: how hard she's been working with him, how much she cares for him, how he's improved so much through her effort. I don't think she knew about the legal issues. It seemed like she was just trying to tell me that he'd been in a good home and was well taken care of. The more she talked, the more I felt like little guy should stay with his foster mom. He has made a lot of progress and disrupting his life now would be devastating.
It would be one thing if Foster Mom still wouldn't commit to him, but she has hired a lawyer and has requested to adopt him, although in the wrong court. The Department doesn't trust her, but I also get a sense that they're really pissed at her for pushing them so hard, too. DH and I were beginning to question the ethics of helping to remove this little boy from the only home he remembers and where he's not abused or neglected in any way. Rather, he's well loved and having all his needs met. If we did adopt him, could we look him in the eye when he's older and explain why his foster mother couldn't keep him? Would we doing the best thing for this child or would we be letting our own hunger for a child convince us to do less than the best for him?
Those were the questions we were asking ourselves last night. This morning we got a call from the child's worker informing us that the District Attorney's Office is going to take over the case from the Department. Foster mother had asked for an injunction to prevent the Department from removing the child. The DA doesn't feel that the Department has a strong case right now. They want the foster mother to be homestudied. It's going to take a while-several months at least, the worker told us. He said he knows the new information will have an impact on our decision. He apologized.
We've decided to bow out of this situation. It seems like the right thing to do.