Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Right Thing

I spoke with little guy's pediatrician and she eased my mind about some of my FASD concerns.  She thinks most of his issues are due to him being a preemie.  There may be some neurological issues but she doesn't think it's FASD. That sounds simple enough, but my conversation with her added another layer to this issue. 

It turns out that she knows the little guy very well because her kids go to daycare with him.  His foster mother works at the daycare and has taken care of the pediatrician's kids.  She talked up Foster Mom  quite a bit to me: how hard she's been working with him, how much she cares for him, how he's improved so much through her effort. I don't think she knew about the legal issues.  It seemed like she was just trying to tell me that he'd been in a good home and was well taken care of. The more she talked, the more I felt like little guy should stay with his foster mom. He has made a lot of progress and disrupting his life now would be devastating. 

It would be one thing if Foster Mom still wouldn't commit to him, but she has hired a lawyer and has requested to adopt him, although in the wrong court.  The Department doesn't trust her, but I also get a sense that they're really pissed at her for pushing them so hard, too.  DH and I were beginning to question the ethics of helping to remove this little boy from the only home he remembers and where he's not abused or neglected in any way. Rather, he's well loved and having all his needs met.  If we did adopt him, could we look him in the eye when he's older and explain why his foster mother couldn't keep him?  Would we doing the best thing for this child or would we be letting our own hunger for a child convince us to do less than the best for him?  

Those were the questions we were asking ourselves last night.  This morning we got a call from the child's worker informing us that the District Attorney's Office is going to take over the case from the Department.  Foster mother had asked for an injunction to prevent the Department from removing the child.  The DA doesn't feel that the Department has a strong case right now.  They want the foster mother to be homestudied.    It's going to take a while-several months at least, the worker told us.  He said he knows the new information will have an impact on our decision. He apologized.  

We've decided to bow out of this situation.  It seems like the right thing to do.  

12 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

I agree, I think it's the right decision too. It would be very difficult to tell him later in life why he was taken away from his foster mom.

I'm really sorry it didn't work out. I'm praying for YOUR child to come along soon.
*HUGS*

Rain Child said...

From your posts, it sounds like you made the right decision. It must be difficult, and I am sorry for that.

Shelby said...

What a difficult decision, but it really sounds like you're going in the right direction by keeping an eye on what's best for the little guy. I'm so sorry this didn't work out. It must be such a roller coaster. I really hope that soon enough you'll find the little one you were on this journey towards all along.

Wendy said...

Oh, Karen. I'm sorry. I can only imagine how you're feeling...

I hope your little one finds you very very soon. Hugs.

Fiddle1 said...

It does sound like you've made the best decision given the information you had. I'm sorry that your hopes got dashed, though.

Lost in Space said...

From how you have described the situation, it does sound like you are making a decision with his best interest at heart. I hope that gives some consolation, although I think this part still probably really sucks right now. For that I am so sorry.

I know your child is out there and how lucky he/she will be to find such caring and loving parents. Many hugs, Karen.

Claudia said...

I'm sure you're right. But I'm so, so sorry this is all so hard.

Hoping YOUR kid is just around the corner.

Fran said...

YOu have been so good. Your decision is in the child 's best interest no matter the legal issues with the foster mother. I have no doubt you will be rewarded for your big heart. Of course I can imagine you must be upset about this all story, but I will say a prayer for you (I kind of found my faith again) and a new match will be made soon. Lots of love and thinking of you, Frab

Wanna Bee said...

You have made a very well thought out decision. From what you say it sounds like the county is being punative, or has their own agenda with this foster mother. Good to stay out of that and great for a child to stay put! I would feel the same way - a hard thing to explain to a child in the future.

Me said...

I think you've made the right decision but that doesn't mean you're any less sad. I'm sorry Karen. You'll catch a break eventually.

Barb said...

Wow sweetie. So much going on. Thinking only the best for you and for little guy.
xo

WaterBishop said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out. I think you made the right choice though.