Update: Homestudy

I got in touch with our social worker today.  He made an appointment to get together with DH and me next week on Thursday to go over the draft of the homestudy.  He said my part was easy.  DH's part was "interesting" and took a little longer. I didn't pass that bit of information on to DH.  When we meet next week, our social worker will ask any questions he still has and make any changes we request.  Then we'll be done with the homestudy and ready to wait.  

How Old Are You?

I just wanted to quickly share something that happened today.  I don't know if I've said it before, but I'm a first grade teacher.  I was sitting next to one of my little guys this morning working with him on his writing when the following exchange occurred.

First Grader (looks up at me and, completely unrelated to the topic at hand, says):  Do you have a daughter?

Me: A daughter?  No.  Why do you ask that?

First Grader:  I don't know. Do you have kids?

Me: No, not yet.

First Grader: You don't have kids yet?  You mean you're not married!

All the other little faces at the table turn toward me and a chorus of "Mrs. One Good Egg, you're not married?" starts.  

Me:  Well, yes, I'm married. That's why I'm called Mrs.. I talk about Mr. One Good Egg all the time, remember.

First Grader (in a tone that could be characterized as disbelief):  But you don't have kids, yet? How old are you then?

This is immediately followed by several guesses from the peanut gallery, some flattering, most not so flattering. 

Me: Hey, hey, hey.  Alright now, enough of that.  Let's just get back to our writing, OK?   

So even in the minds of my first graders I'm an old, married, childless failure.  Fantastic!

*I should mention that I really do talk about my husband and the rest of my family all the time. You'd think if I had a kid that I might have mentioned him or her before now.   It just goes to show how egocentric six-year olds can be that this little guy obviously never noticed.  In spite of, or maybe because of, their egocentricity six-year olds are the coolest kids ever.  And in spite of, or maybe because of, exchanges like the one above I do love my job.  

Better

The past few days have been better.  Thank you to everyone who talked me off the ledge.  I appreciate the comforting words.  I was glad to hear that my DH is not the first to have this kind of freak-out. 

The very good news is that he followed through and saw the counselor on Friday.  He felt good about the appointment.  He came home and told me that he was surprised to hear that he's not extremely messed up-that his fears and anxieties are normal.  Uh. . .yeah. . .that's what I said when he started all of this.  I guess he just needed to hear it from someone else.  As it stands right now, I'm going to call on Monday to make an appointment with the same counselor.  After the counselor sees me one on one, he's going to see us both together.  I was worried at first that this guy wouldn't have much understanding of infertility. Then I found out that DH got his name from a friend who, along with his wife, dealt with IF for years.  They both highly recommended him.  

DH and I have agreed that we'll keep plugging along with the homestudy while this is going on. He said he really does want to be a dad, but he really doesn't want to be the kind of dad his father was to him.  He wants to know how to keep that from happening.  I don't think there's a chance of that happening because he is nowhere close to the person his father is.  However, I think DH needs to figure that out for himself.  Hopefully this process will help him do that.