Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just Adopt

I'm back. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I don't really have a good excuse. I could say that I've been busy with school starting, busy with our adoption classes, busy with filling out the couple's profile, busy, busy, busy.  But really, it's just been hard to write lately. 

I guess I should start by saying that our adoption classes are going well.  I don't exactly look forward to spending 3 hours every Monday night in a windowless, stuffy room at Social Services hearing about sexual abuse, causes of fire starting behavior, and how to deal with bedwetting, but I know it will help us in the long run.  Luckily, the other people in the class are a cool bunch.  Out of eight couples in the class, more than half have dealt with infertility.  Two are same-sex couples.  There is one single woman.  I actually get to laugh a fair amount. With some of the material that's being covered, if I couldn't laugh, I'd have to cry. 

Our seventh class is this week, so one more to go.  DH and I are trying to get our 35-page profile questionnaire completed before then.  I'm embarrassed to say that I think we're the last ones in class to get it done.  It's not an easy task, as it's full of gems like, "What do you like most and least about each other? How do you show respect for each other's differences? Give examples." and "Describe the defining moments in your childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Give examples.  How have these moments impacted your views of parenting?"  There are many, many more questions, all with multiple parts.  And with my tendency to reflect and elaborate, I'm writing far too much for each one.  The 35-page profile is quickly gaining pages.  

However, my diarrhea of the keyboard may be necessary to counteract DH's brevity.  He has a horrible relationship with his family and is having a hard time writing about it. He's resorted to answers like "None" and "N/A".  I've tried to explain to him that "None" is not an acceptable answer to, "Describe your current relationship with your parents."  The social worker is going to expect more information.  I think he's slowly coming around.  I hope he's coming around. He'd better be coming around. 

Once the profile is handed in, we'll be assigned a social worker.  That person will schedule 2-4 home visits/interviews with us.  We'll also need to complete a Physical/Emotional/Behavioral Needs sheet.  We basically need to say what kind of tough stuff can we think we can deal with in a child we adopt.  When that's done, our worker will use the information from the home visit and the profile to write our homestudy.  Oh, we'll also need to get our fingerprints done.  That's a brand new requirement in our state. The timeline we're being given right now is that our homestudy might be done by the end of January/beginning of February.  Then we wait for a placement. 

Since we sent in our initial application to adopt in February of this year, that means we'll be just about a year into the process before our waiting even begins. If anyone ever again in my presence says, "Just adopt," I will hit him over the head with my 35-page. . .45-page. . .OK, 80-page profile.  That should knock some sense into him.  


Lost in Space said...

Wow, Karen! That is alot to take in. While I have missed you, I can totally understand needing a break from it all. Sometimes just processing it all in our heads is hard enough.

There is no "just" in adopting. Like you can just pop into the baby store down the street and pick one up. Full permission granted (not that you need it) to take out the next moron who suggests it.

I'm sorry the paperwork and classes are so overwhelming. Those are some tough issues and questions to deal with. May each one bring you one step closer to your baby.

Hang in there and come let it out anytime, okay? Hugs.

Polly Gamwich said...

I'm glad you're back. It's so much to handle that at times in my blogging "career" I had no idea what to write ... it's just overwhelming.

I had no idea it took so much work to adopt. You two are troopers, and I know what you mean about telling your husband's story ... I'd be afraid to tell mine.

Glad you surfaced and hope to whack em good with your 80 pg profile.

Me said...

So glad to have you back active in the Blogosphere. Truly.

Wendy said...

I'm so glad to see that you are back, too! I was excited to see that you had a new post. Wow -- you have been so busy between the classes and the writing. That's so hard -- writing about yourself and how you feel about various things related to your relationship, raising a child, etc.

You have complete permission to whack someone on the head with your profile if they say "just adopt"! Since starting this whole process, I have such a newfound understanding of how much work it is to prepare everything.

I wish you all the best - I'll keep checking in on you!

WaterBishop said...

Good to see you!
I get the "just adopt" comment all the time and now I want to refer them to your blog. People "just" don't realize how invasive it all is.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Good to hear from you. It's understandable that you'd need a break...we all do.

Wow. That questionnaire project is one I'd be procrastinating on ... sounds like a bitch. How does one condense one's life down to fit into a formatted Q&A.

Barb said...

Thank you so much for documenting this stuff Karen. You give me courage to even think about beginning the process..