Smashing Heads

I used to bump P's head into doorjambs on a regular basis. Not on purpose, of course (no calls to CPS, please). But I'd be carrying him from one room to another, trying to remember where I'd left the thermometer or his shoes or his bottle and then. . .THUNK. . .followed by. . .Waaaah! To be followed by the internal tongue lashing at my self for being such a rotten mom that I'd cause a head injury to this amazing child that I was caring for until the state officially made me his parent. To then be followed by the worry that I really did hurt him and that I would have to bring him to the emergency room and CPS would decide I was too careless to be a mom and take him from me. Fun times, those were. Eventually, I got better at figuring out how to enter and leave a room without giving P a concussion.

It occurred to me recently that there's the possibility that my clumsiness may have something to do with adoption. I think that maybe part of the reason pregnant women get big (other than carrying a child in their uterus) is to prepare them for parenthood after. If you've become used to maneuvering carefully through doorways for a few months, perhaps that carries over to maneuvering carefully as you carry your infant. . .who grows a bit every month during which you become accustomed to his size and shape and adjust accordingly as you carry him and so avoid walking him into doorjambs. Maybe because we adopted P I just needed a few extra months to get used to his space in my arms. I needed to catch up.

Or maybe not? Maybe all my friends who gave birth to their children caused them near-concussions on a regular basis, but never told me? Maybe it's not an adoption-related issue at all and I'm just clumsy. That's a real possibility.

I'm still here. It's hard for me to know what to write sometimes. Navigating through adoption is one part of my life, but it's a fairly small part at the moment due primarily to P's age and somewhat due to our lack of relationship with his birth family. My time is mostly spent just living life as a working mom of a three year old. Adoption isn't front and center. And I kind of feel that the reason people tune in here is to read about adopting after infertility or adopting from foster care. I don't know that my adventures trying to get P to wear pants (yes, that is a real issue in our home) are what they're looking for. But I have nothing else to offer at the moment, so from here on out this blog will be a mix of whatever is happening in my life---the terrible (and awesome) threes, relationships, adoption, body image, and a partridge in a pear tree, or whatever else may come my way.