Speaking of our awesome social worker, she visited yesterday. She's such a great resource. I had some questions about family medical history. We have minimal information and I hate to picture L at the doctor's office saying, "I don't know" in response to all the family medical history questions. I thought maybe since both L's biological mother, R, and father, J, were in state care at various points, there might be some additional information in their files. Unfortunately, no such luck. However, R has a sister who lives out of state and has completely separated herself from the family. She was the first person contacted about taking E when he came into care. She had no interest in rebuilding any connections with R and was very clear that she didn't want the boys. Our social worker approached her again at various points throughout the years (when E's goal was changed to adoption, when L was taken into care, when R died, when L's goal was changed to adoption) and her answer has never changed. Our social worker is going to try to get some medical history information from her. L's aunt has washed her hands of the family and may not want to talk about medical history, but at least it's a possibility.
I'll admit that my first thought when I heard about the aunt was, "What if she wants the boys now?" Our awesome social worker addressed my concerns before I spoke them and reassured me and DH that even if L's aunt expresses an interest, it's too late because she had numerous opportunities to take them and had very valid reasons for not doing so. Awesome social worker said L has bonded with us, his third placement, and the court has accepted the adoption plan. In fact, she said,"This is a done deal." That's what I needed to hear. However, I'm glad to know L has a more typical biological relative out there and I hope that maybe someday she'll be willing to meet him if he's interested.
Awesome social worker and I also talked about lifebooks and discussing adoption with L (and how talking about adoption with a child adopted from foster care differs from talking about it with children adopted in other ways). I'll share that discussion in my next post.