Still

I know it's been too long since I've posted.  I guess my reluctance to write a new post has much to do with that I feel we're at a standstill.  There's not much new to share. I'm still totally in love with my son.  He's still the most amazing little boy I've ever met.  And. . .we're still waiting for a finalization date.  So far the timeline has moved from finalizing in June, to finalizing in July, to possibly finalizing in August, to likely finalizing in September. 

What's the hold up you ask?  Sadly, the hold up is the choice of L's adoption worker (yes, the one we love/loved?).  She's been holding off on submitting L's paperwork until the family of his older brother, P, gets a court date.  Which DH and I were fine with because P has been with them for going on three years and they went through a lot more ups and downs than we did. That is we were fine with it until just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong with P's case.  Paperwork was lost.  Lawyers were reassigned.  Some steps took many, many times longer than they should have.  Their paperwork was submitted in March and they still don't have a date.  Despite that the process has taken months longer for P's family than it should have, L's adoption worker is convinced it will only be a matter of weeks after the process is started for L until we hear about a court date. However, after much pleading and a tiny bit of harassment on our part, she has finally decided to begin the process for L.  

So now we wait.  Some more.  Again.  Still. 

To the rude mother at our recent adoptive families playgroup

Just for future reference, it's rude to make any kind of huffing/snorting sound when people are going around introducing themselves and their children.  Obviously, my son's name is new to you and perhaps it's not your favorite.  Hence, the "L_____ (repeating his name). Hmmph" response when I introduced him.  Your response should have been, ". . . . . . . . .".  Those dots symbolize silence. "Hi" would have been acceptable, too.  "Hmmph"---not acceptable.  

By the way, I held back my opinion in the interest of common courtesy, but your daughter's name, the name you changed her birthname name to, is a common stripper name.  Next time, you hmmph at my son's name, I'm going to share that info with you.  

TPR, Take 2

L's birthparents parental rights were terminated on Friday.  The parents were found to be unavailable rather than unfit. Death does tend to make one pretty much unavailable. Our social worker said that it's usually easier for kids in the long run if their birthparents are not found unfit.  We're going to talk more about that at our next appointment.  

So L is now officially legally free for adoption. Next step is getting our adoption paper work from L's worker, having it notarized, and submitting it to the court for a finalization date. We're still hoping for June.

TPR

Don't get too excited.  It hasn't happened yet.  However, we now have a date and a new lawyer who is appalled that it's taken so long to get a TPR decree for a case in which both parents are deceased and there are no family members interested.  April 2 is the court date.  Hopefully, she and our awesome social worker will walk out of court with decrees in hand. 

Speaking of our awesome social worker, she visited yesterday.  She's such a great resource.  I had some questions about family medical history.  We have minimal information and I hate to picture L at the doctor's office saying, "I don't know" in response to all the family medical history questions. I thought maybe since both L's biological mother, R, and father, J, were in state care at various points, there might be some additional information in their files.  Unfortunately, no such luck.  However, R has a sister who lives out of state and has completely separated herself from the family. She was the first person contacted about taking E when he came into care. She had no interest in rebuilding any connections with R and was very clear that she didn't want the boys.  Our social worker approached her again at various points throughout the years (when E's goal was changed to adoption, when L was taken into care, when R died, when L's goal was changed to adoption) and her answer has never changed.  Our social worker is going to try to get some medical history information from her. L's aunt has washed her hands of the family and may not want to talk about medical history, but at least it's a possibility. 

I'll admit that my first thought when I heard about the aunt was, "What if she wants the boys now?"  Our awesome social worker addressed my concerns before I spoke them and reassured me and DH that even if L's aunt expresses an interest, it's too late because she had numerous opportunities to take them and had very valid reasons for not doing so.  Awesome social worker said L has bonded with us, his third placement, and the court has accepted the adoption plan.  In fact, she said,"This is a done deal."  That's what I needed to hear.  However, I'm glad to know L has a more typical biological relative out there and I hope that maybe someday she'll be willing to meet him if he's interested. 

Awesome social worker and I also talked about lifebooks and discussing adoption with L (and how talking about adoption with a child adopted from foster care differs from talking about it with children adopted in other ways).  I'll share that discussion in my next post.  

Adopted vs. Biological

Why does the U.S. Government, via the Census, need to know whether my son is my adopted son or my biological son?  I know, I know.  They use it to determine funding for different programs. Perhaps they'll use it to decide whether to extend the Adoption Tax Credit.  

Even though I know why they ask, it still bugs me somehow. 

Well, at least I don't have to worry about that

I was talking with a good friend at work who has been having some weird period issues. She had recently been to the GYN and was filling me in on what the doctor said. Then she said, "Oh, yeah. Unrelated to my current issues, but it turns out my bladder is falling out."  

I had no idea this kind of thing happened.  She didn't either until her doctor told her it was happening to her.  Apparently, childbirth with vaginal delivery is the biggest risk factor. My friend, who birthed two children 18 months apart, has since heard from other women, including a friend whose mother actually reached down and felt her bladder coming out of her vajajay while she was in the middle of taking a shower!  

The only thing I could think was, "S&%#, that's one huge advantage to never getting pregnant. Score one point for infertility!"*

*At least until menopause.  The reduced estrogen of menopause can cause pelvic floor muscles to weaken and a cystocele to occur. Another reason to keep up those Kegels.  

Super Secret Special Ops

Frustrated with lots of bureaucratic runaround for the last 4 months, a couple of family members initiated a clandestine operation: Operation Death Certificate. It was successful, and really much easier than anticipated (and all completely legal).  J's death certificate showed up in L's worker's mailbox and is now in the judge's hands.  Now that the judge has proof that L's birthparents are both deceased, we're hoping for TPR news this week.