TPR, Take 2

L's birthparents parental rights were terminated on Friday.  The parents were found to be unavailable rather than unfit. Death does tend to make one pretty much unavailable. Our social worker said that it's usually easier for kids in the long run if their birthparents are not found unfit.  We're going to talk more about that at our next appointment.  

So L is now officially legally free for adoption. Next step is getting our adoption paper work from L's worker, having it notarized, and submitting it to the court for a finalization date. We're still hoping for June.

TPR

Don't get too excited.  It hasn't happened yet.  However, we now have a date and a new lawyer who is appalled that it's taken so long to get a TPR decree for a case in which both parents are deceased and there are no family members interested.  April 2 is the court date.  Hopefully, she and our awesome social worker will walk out of court with decrees in hand. 

Speaking of our awesome social worker, she visited yesterday.  She's such a great resource.  I had some questions about family medical history.  We have minimal information and I hate to picture L at the doctor's office saying, "I don't know" in response to all the family medical history questions. I thought maybe since both L's biological mother, R, and father, J, were in state care at various points, there might be some additional information in their files.  Unfortunately, no such luck.  However, R has a sister who lives out of state and has completely separated herself from the family. She was the first person contacted about taking E when he came into care. She had no interest in rebuilding any connections with R and was very clear that she didn't want the boys.  Our social worker approached her again at various points throughout the years (when E's goal was changed to adoption, when L was taken into care, when R died, when L's goal was changed to adoption) and her answer has never changed.  Our social worker is going to try to get some medical history information from her. L's aunt has washed her hands of the family and may not want to talk about medical history, but at least it's a possibility. 

I'll admit that my first thought when I heard about the aunt was, "What if she wants the boys now?"  Our awesome social worker addressed my concerns before I spoke them and reassured me and DH that even if L's aunt expresses an interest, it's too late because she had numerous opportunities to take them and had very valid reasons for not doing so.  Awesome social worker said L has bonded with us, his third placement, and the court has accepted the adoption plan.  In fact, she said,"This is a done deal."  That's what I needed to hear.  However, I'm glad to know L has a more typical biological relative out there and I hope that maybe someday she'll be willing to meet him if he's interested. 

Awesome social worker and I also talked about lifebooks and discussing adoption with L (and how talking about adoption with a child adopted from foster care differs from talking about it with children adopted in other ways).  I'll share that discussion in my next post.  

Adopted vs. Biological

Why does the U.S. Government, via the Census, need to know whether my son is my adopted son or my biological son?  I know, I know.  They use it to determine funding for different programs. Perhaps they'll use it to decide whether to extend the Adoption Tax Credit.  

Even though I know why they ask, it still bugs me somehow. 

Well, at least I don't have to worry about that

I was talking with a good friend at work who has been having some weird period issues. She had recently been to the GYN and was filling me in on what the doctor said. Then she said, "Oh, yeah. Unrelated to my current issues, but it turns out my bladder is falling out."  

I had no idea this kind of thing happened.  She didn't either until her doctor told her it was happening to her.  Apparently, childbirth with vaginal delivery is the biggest risk factor. My friend, who birthed two children 18 months apart, has since heard from other women, including a friend whose mother actually reached down and felt her bladder coming out of her vajajay while she was in the middle of taking a shower!  

The only thing I could think was, "S&%#, that's one huge advantage to never getting pregnant. Score one point for infertility!"*

*At least until menopause.  The reduced estrogen of menopause can cause pelvic floor muscles to weaken and a cystocele to occur. Another reason to keep up those Kegels.  

Super Secret Special Ops

Frustrated with lots of bureaucratic runaround for the last 4 months, a couple of family members initiated a clandestine operation: Operation Death Certificate. It was successful, and really much easier than anticipated (and all completely legal).  J's death certificate showed up in L's worker's mailbox and is now in the judge's hands.  Now that the judge has proof that L's birthparents are both deceased, we're hoping for TPR news this week. 

Dry and Not in the Dark

The basement didn't flood!  Woohoo!  The sump pump hole stayed full of water but it didn't overflow.  My dad brought a generator by in the morning and he and DH got the pump going just in case it rained more, which it did.  The power came on around supper time. 

DH bought about 10 flashlights so I won't have to use a honking bulldozer flashlight if the power goes out in the future. 

Why didn't we buy a better pump?

I'm lying here in the dark. There's a raging wind outside. It sounds like a freight train rolling by our house nonstop.

The power went out about an hour ago. The only flashlight I could find was L's bulldozer one that honks when you push the wrong button.

The sump pump hole is full of water but the pump's not working because we didn't splurge on the pump with the battery back-up. I put everything in the finished basement up as high as I could but the new chairs and the new toy storage can't be put up.

The dog keeps barking every two minutes because the lack of light and the wind are freaking him out. Luckily L is sleeping through it all, but I'll be shocked if that continues.

Oh, and I'm alone because DH had to go into work to help other people because that's what cops do.

Please send "no flooding" vibes.